My Mentor, My Dad

I owe many things, including my career to my dad, but not in the way I thought I would.

You may notice I mention my dad often here. From his lessons on faith, photography and working the land, there are many things I feel capable to do because my dad did them as well.

One is a career in engineering which I never felt capable to do.

My dad was known through college as a “computer on legs” because of his math ability. He worked successfully as a chemical engineer and engineering manager at a Fortune 100 company for over 35 years. This prepared my expectations while growing up for how to prepare.

My dad never could have envisioned what my career would be. But his life and actions helped prepare me for it without his knowing it. Of course, he wasn’t perfect- but he did many things right.

My dad worked hard for his company. But he fought for new development at his plant to help his employees. The growth was necessary not simply for profit or the concept of innovation but more importantly for the jobs, individuals and families he was trying to protect. Even after he retired he stayed as a contractor to continue his project to prepare the plant for manufacturing a new form of inhalable insulin.

My dad put family as a priority. He passed up a Senior Manager promotion which would have required moving to NYC because he felt it was the best way to protect his family.

My dad believed that no one should be a stranger. He was genuinely friendly and hospitable to all he met. He treated everyone with respect and fairness, something I confirmed when I interned at the same company during my college. Every person that worked with him attested to his values.

My dad served others, spending time to help and develop relationships with people in need, men in prison, and global ministries. This impacted how he worked as well.

My dad loved travel because of the people he met and relationships he made. He kept contact for decades with global partners he made throughout his career.

Following exactly the path my dad made wasn’t possible. Sadly the inhalable insulin wasn’t accepted in the market, and the plant he worked at closed, losing hundreds of jobs. In any case, working 35 years at any company is nearly impossible today.

However, the example and values my dad lived provided the goal that I strive to meet as I live with my family and as I work in my career with global teams.

I might not be the best or smartest engineer in the world (I know I’m not close). But, I am thankful for the path I’ve been on. I actually cried with joy on my first business trip to Japan, remembering my dad’s stories of his first trip thirty years earlier.

As my oldest prepares to enter the workforce under these new conditions... I don’t have any clue what he’ll face. But I hope I’ve been able to show him the foundations of love, kindness, humility, respect and dependence on our Heavenly Father that will help him through it despite the climate, just as my earthly father did for me.

A Much Needed Visit, 2004

One of my greatest dreams was for my dad to work with me on our new farm. I’m positive he would have loved it. He was a man of the woods at heart.

Sadly this was not possible. I’m not able to talk with my dad anymore. Parkinson’s with Dementia and other factors have stolen this from us. I am thankful for the memories and lessons, but in many ways this is death in slow motion.

December 2018 was the first I had seen him fall. He apologized and made it clear it was simply an accident. He had fallen several times in the weeks prior, but seeing it happen in person really shook me up. It was only a couple months more and he was wheelchair bound.

December 2018, Our Last Coffee

Soon afterwards he stopped saying people’s names and random words. He said he could visualize them, just not form the sounds. Then other words started changing. I wish I could remember more of that time.

This photo below is one of my favorite times together in July 2019, driving a borrowed antique over an hour in the early morning fog.

July 2019, Riding in Style

Some people get mean with dementia. My dad hasn’t. There are times he can be misunderstood, but he is still one of the sweetest people ever.

Here is my dad, January 2020, unable to talk more than a few words, read or walk- but still finding comfort in at least looking at God’s word and underlining (random) words. He had spent hours a day like this before his condition, so it’s no surprise it was his favorite thing to do as it progressed.

Prepared for Dementia by a Lifetime in God’s Word- January 2020

We don’t see him often this year due to several factors. Thankfully my parents are in a safe place that takes care of them.

His world is mostly silent now. We see glimmers that show he is still present but unable to communicate. He holds hands tightly, not wanting to let go. It is truly painful. I cannot imagine how he feels.

My dad made it a point to connect, and he would travel to visit no matter where we lived. During times of crisis I would call my dad often. He prayed for each of his sons, their wives and grandkids daily. Losing that connection has not been easy.

Our last visit, we simply sat and watched out over the sheep pasture. Only God knows what he was thinking.

Writing this may be one way I try to process it all. Dementia is horrible. I hope and pray I don’t develop dementia and put my family through this. But if I do, I pray I’m prepared as well as he was.

Speechless, Watching the Sheep, June 2021

I’ll close with my dad’s favorite verse, one that I’m sure was a comfort during the challenges these past two years.

“Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation.” With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. And you will say in that day: “Give thanks to the Lord, call upon his name, make known his deeds among the peoples, proclaim that his name is exalted.” Isaiah 12:2–4 (ESV)

Isaiah 12 from My Dad’s Bible